A Pain In The Ash – Redneck Headlines

An Iowa woman scared the crap out of some guests who'd overstayed their welcome at her home – by attacking them with her trusty pooper scooper.

Cops were called to the scene by the startled victims, who said they were sitting around at the house when the woman came at them with the device, chasing them outside and causing them to scatter a collection of Beanie Babies, whose ownership is in dispute. The officers escorted the couple from the scene and placed the toys in escrow, pending further investigation.

They also found that the scooper was not loaded, but still dangerous because "it still had residue on it." (Quad Cities Dispatch)

A Pain In The Ash

An airport screener in Indiana made a real ash of herself by opening an urn containing the ashes of a recently deceased man – and spilling them all over the concourse floor.

Passenger John Gross was carrying a container bearing an official sticker that read "human remains," but even though that's good enough for the TSA, it didn't convince the screener, who pried it open and began sifting through it with her bare hands, spilling a good bit of his grandfather's ashes.

Gross describes the scene by saying, "She didn't apologize. She started laughing. I was on my hands and knees picking up bone fragments." The TSA's official rules say that human remains are to be opened "under no circumstances." (The Indy Channel)

Step-dad Could Fry For Potato Toss

A Massachusetts man is being grilled over a charge that he assaulted his step-daughter – with a french fry!

James Hackett allegedly got into an argument with his wife as they were pulling out of a McDonald's drive-thru and when the 11-year-old got involved in the discussion, he flipped out – and flipped a handful of the freshly-fried taters at her. According to cops, her mom dialed cops to complain about the fast-food fury, and Hackett was charged with assault with a deadly weapon.

While the girl didn't appear to have any visible injuries, the charge was levied because the hot potatoes "could cause burning to the face and eyes" – not to mention raising her cholesterol level! (The Smoking Gun)